Dan’s Blog
Dan’s Blog #14: Message from the food trenches of the double dementia dance
She’s getting weaker all the time and while this is to be expected, the pace can be moderated, particularly if she’s getting enough food “energy” each day. But he is with her most of the time and unfortunately has lost any...
Dan’s Blog #13: Who’s the Boss in the Double Dementia Dance
Life is always changing and while it has been a recurring theme since their children pushed them into no longer living alone in Kingston, this “who’s the boss” issue has simmered in both my father-in-law and my mother-in-law, with many...
Dan’s Blog #12: Do Si Do and Allemande left, or was that right?
He is always taking the lead, but occasionally stumbles over his reactivity to being told what to do. Today’s issue was support socks. She has been wearing them for years but he has only newly got a prescription and the socks. He wore them once and hasn’t since. So, I...
Dan’s Blog #11: Caregivers getting it wrong
I like to call caregivers modern day Saints. This is not to suggest that we are perfect. Like everyone else, we make lots of mistakes whether we want to admit it or not. Today, unfortunately, was a good case in point. I chose to take my supper with my in-laws because...
Dan’s blog #10: And then there were three…
My adventure in caregiving this time around has been focused on my in-laws, who share our family home with us and the Day Program we are running at our retreat centre, Stonebridge Haven. But this house where I live is a BIG house on a BIG lot with permissive zoning...
Dan’s blog #9: The Double Dementia Dance
The DDDance moves are becoming more intricate. As her memory is increasingly full of holes, she's filling in with her imagination without realizing it. Of course even those of us with healthy brains do this: even scientists show unconscious bias when...
Dan’s blog #8: My grief as a caregiver
I am more and more deeply involved in the lives of frail elderly seniors, some of whom are directly in my care, and others whom I care for on an occasional basis in our Adult Day Program at Stonebridge Haven. As I watch these vital and precious souls slowly declining,...
Dan’s blog #7: Losses along the way: sacrifices in caregiving
It used to be that my wife and I would take off for different places we'd like to go when time and inspirations struck. It was an important part of our relationship as we enjoyed Nova Scotia one year and Italy another time as well as short, more local jaunts, which...
Dan’s blog #6: From Caregiver to Care Manager
It's been more than two years since I took on the full-time care of my in-laws. We had been supporting them since their move to a nice independent living facility, but when we could see that they were at risk of being separated by health crises we arranged to have...
Dan’s blog #5: Double Indemnity: caring for parents who are both suffering cognitive decline
From the beginning of our walk with my wife’s parents, it was their failure as a couple to deal with a dangerous situation that called us in to take over. He was the caregiver and she the one cared for but together they could not call the ambulance because of their...
Dan’s blog #4: Deepening Involvement
The 2nd phase of my caregiving came when my father-in-law was barred from driving after both he and his wife were diagnosed with dementia. While he was barely under the line that separates so-called normal cognitive functioning from inadequate cognitive functioning,...
Dan’s blog #3: Becoming a caregiver once again, phase 1
Some years ago, I was a front-line caregiver for one of my best friends who had developed MSA, a degenerative brain disease. In order to stop his wife, one of my former thesis advisers, from crashing and burning, I stepped in to provide full care for him anywhere from...